AIR

Is it so much to ask for?

Is it so difficult to attain?

All we ask is for a maintenance man who does more than open the panel, tighten a screw, close the panel, and say, "Eeeeeyup.  That should do it."

Really?  That's all it takes to fix an air conditioner?

We are dying.

DYING.

If that dumb cold air doesn't start pouring itself over me like a bubbling brook, I might have to start wearing a swimsuit to work.  I wonder what the office reaction will be.....

The Roach

There was a deliberate attack on my life today.  It was obviously premeditated, because there is no other way it could have taken place.

So there I was, reaching into my desk drawer to get tea.  The individually wrapped bags still sit in their box, set apart from the pens and the only pencil sharpener in the office.  I began to pick up one of the bags...and saw it. It was small, red, and had tiny demon wings on its back.

I couldn't help it--I squealed, tossed the box so the bug fell out onto the floor, and then began laughing.  Who wouldn't?  It's not like the bug was any bigger than my pinkie nail.

From the room next to me, He Who Shall Not Be Named yelled at us to be quiet.  We hushed.   I went to the kitchen to make my tea and when I returned to my office, I put the mug down and went to see if the bug had escaped from under my desk, making it easier to squish him.  Moving a box from behind my desk, the bug leaped out at me, scaring out another squeal and more laughter.

He Who Shall Not Be Named came to our door and yelled again for us to "shut the f*@# up" because he "has people working here." 


Oh, yes, he's in a grand mood today.  Huzzah.

Bugs!

Whilst reaching into her drawer just now, the Head Hamster unforuntately discovered a roach, and brilliantly shook it out of her tea box onto the floor of our office. Needless to say, neither of us are hardened bug hunters and this resulted in a fair amount of "OMG WHERE IS IT?!" and surprised yelps when it skittered across the floor.

Which, apparently, is no beuno according to He Who Shall Not Be Named. He deemed it necessary to remind us that there are other people working in the office (psh, 'work,' right) in a yelling tone of voice.

This bug is so dead. No one scares the daylight out of us and then gets us in trouble. No, sir.

Say wha--?

He Who Shall Not Be Named has an interesting approach to grammar.  Let's just say that talkin' purty ain't one o' his strong points.  No, he's not a hick. He's just very...interesting.  Here are a few golden nuggets from our most recent meeting:

"You know, putting value in the title will really show people what the value is."

"Nah, I ain't never doin' that."

"So I'm f*****g looking at this and I just wanna know, what the f*** is this?"

"People just don't wanna read s***.  Here's what I want you to do...  K, look at ABC here; we gotta make it shorter.  And then add a couple of reviews and some links to Facebook and Twitter.  Now, make sure you get a good list of what XYZ is, and describe it really well.  Just don't let it get too long, all right?"

Ah, yes. Thank you.  That was very clearly put. 

Dobby's a Health Nut!

Typos of the Day (surprisingly, not mine):

"You, too, can get these results trough our program!" 

"An out-of-shape body won't be as helpful as a healthy doby." 

Because, apparently, large metal bins and house elves are amazing for your health. 

Office sing-along time

I wrote a song to go along with my to-do list for the rest of the day.  Emerson says it's going to be a Grammy-winner for sure.  Be sure to sing it to the tune of whatever the heck you feel like singing it t.  I find it works best with a completely random rhythm and sudden key changes. 

Pictures are awesome
Pictures are great
I like pictures; they are fun to make

But not always because
sooooooooome pictures suck
And they suck a lot and are stupid

Sooooo I like nice pictures
Niiiiiiice pictures!
Really niiiiiiiice pic-tures!

Oh, Computer, you know how I like it

Sometimes when you are good at what you do, you run out of things to do.  There was a time when there was too much work for one person; I skipped lunch and stayed late to get everything done.  Now on some days  we have to scrape the bottom of the work barrel to find something--anything--that remotely resembles work to do.


Yesterday, I had to do just that:


Me: "So after you left last night, I spent, like, 45 minutes organizing the work folders on my computer.  There was a lot to go through."

Emerson: "Well, at least you were seductive."

Me: "...Seductive?"

Emerson: "Productive."

Me: "Oh." (laughter) "Yes, I was very seductive to my computer."